Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
