This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
