Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize