Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
