Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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