would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
