he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
