i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
