At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
