you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
