you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
