sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize