So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
