My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i love accidental penises.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so much tequila, so little girl.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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