are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
