I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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