You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
