just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize