i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
