Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
