I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
