Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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