I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
