I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
