So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
