Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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