Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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