This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize