i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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