Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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