I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
