Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
