she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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