he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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