How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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