I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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