Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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