awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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