im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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