Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
