She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
