i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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