I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i've created a new STD.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
