Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
