I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Me too!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
