M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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