I hate your face
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
