your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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