I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
