I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
