giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
