I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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