She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize