I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
