ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
