you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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