who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
