I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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