Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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