My balls are so social today.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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