cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
