yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
