we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
