He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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