We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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