Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize