Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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