Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
