I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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